it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
