We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
