Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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