you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
