I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize