Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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