the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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