I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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