So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My boob is missing a layer of skin
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
