just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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