dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
