i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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