Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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