I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
