theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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