he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
