shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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