My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize