well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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