I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize