When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Actions speak louder than pants.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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