She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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