I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize