Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize