but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
