his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
