You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
