my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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