i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
