also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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