oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize