she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
