This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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