I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just pee around me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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