Whod you bang
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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