Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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