I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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