we made out on top of his cat.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
