I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize