Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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