Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize