Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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