why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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