TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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