My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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