Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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