I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
