i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
