After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
