I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
