maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
