Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
