if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
