she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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