if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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