If i come over, it means nothing
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
