I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
