it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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