all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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