It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
