I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Farmville is her only friend.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
