i need an iv and a liver transplant
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
why do cheetos always look like penises
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
