she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
