The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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