he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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