Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
