They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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