Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
