a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
