his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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