Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
