Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
