are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
