just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize