when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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