I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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